


There's a Place Where We Belong

by Samunderthelights



Series: 25 Days of Drarry [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 25 Days of Harry and Draco, Advent Challenge, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Depression, Don't copy to another site, Early Bird 25 Days of Harry and Draco 2020, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27936089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samunderthelights/pseuds/Samunderthelights
Summary: Every year on Christmas Eve, Harry goes to London to fill the emptiness inside of him. Every year it fills him with hope to see the happiness, to see the love. But this year feels different, this year things feel colder.Little does he know, that on the other side of the city, Draco is struggling with the same empty feeling.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Series: 25 Days of Drarry [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035147
Comments: 18
Kudos: 32
Collections: 25 Days of Draco and Harry 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> This is my third story for '25 Days of Drarry', and while the first two stories were fluffy, this is definitely not fluff. I need to give a little warning that this story contains themes that could be upsetting for some. So please check the tags before reading.  
> Xx

Harry pulls his coat tight around him, but the wind makes the snow feel sharp as daggers against his skin tonight. At any other night the cold would make him go and find shelter at one of London’s coffeeshops, or he would go home, where it’s safe and warm.

But ever since the war, Christmas had been a painful reminder to him of everyone he had lost. So every year on Christmas Eve he goes to London, and he spends the night wandering the streets, watching the young couples who are about to spend their first Christmas together, the families, the kids still awake in the hopes of catching a glimpse of Santa and his reindeers. The old, married couples, still as in love with each other as they were, thirty, forty, perhaps even seventy years ago.

It had always given Harry some kind of comfort, and it had made him feel less lonely. He was still standing on the outside looking in. But knowing that there was still so much good, so much happiness in the world, it had reassured him th at everything they had done, it hadn’t been for nothing. His family, his friends, they hadn’t given their life in vain.

Tonight feels colder than previous years though, and there are hardly any other people around. More likely than not, they are at home, where it’s warm and cosy. Where they are together.

The thought makes Harry shiver, so he keeps on walking, blinking away the tears in his eyes. Not sure if it’s the wind that is making him cry, or the memories of his loved ones. The memories of all the crying, the screaming. The memories of a fight that never left him. That night, which he can still feel in every fibre of his being.

By the time he looks up, having been so lost in his thoughts that for god knows how long he didn’t even know where he was going, he finds that he has walked all the way over to the Tower Bridge.

He knows he should turn around, because he doubts he’ll find the warmth and comfort that he is looking for out on the bridge. But something makes him go there anyway.

For a moment it feels like more wasted time, but when he notices the dark figure looking over the edge, his platinum hair peeking out from under his hat, he makes his way over to him.

“Draco? Is that you?”

The man turns around, a horrified look on his face. He looks ashamed, caught out, but Harry doesn’t understand why. He didn’t catch him doing anything. He was simply watching the river. What is so wrong with that?

“What are you doing here, Potter?” Draco spits out, but he doesn’t sound angry. He sounds more scared than anything else.

“I was just… it doesn’t matter. Why are _you_ here?” Harry asks, a sick feeling washing over him. Because what if he _did_ catch him? What if Draco was in the middle of doing something horrible? What if this is about to set off another terrible series of events, leading to more pain, and more death? What if it’s about to start all over again?

But when Draco looks back at the river, tears welling up in his eyes, it hits Harry just why he is here. What he would have done if Harry hadn’t caught him. What he could still do. Because why would he let Harry’s interruption stop him?

“You were going to jump?”

“What does it matter to you?” Draco asks. “Just leave, Potter. You never saw me.”

For a moment Harry considers turning around, because why should this be his problem? Draco had tried to make his life hell when they were kids, so why should he be the one to try and save his life now? Why not turn around and let him do this? Be done with him once and for all.

But he knows that it wouldn’t be fair, so he takes another step towards him, hoping it won’t scare him off.

“I can’t let you do this.”

“Why not?” Draco scoffs. “You think you can stop me?”

“I’ll try,” Harry says. “Don’t do this, Draco. Whatever the reason is… it’s not worth killing yourself over.”

“How would you know, huh?”

“What about your family?” Harry tries, but by the look on the other man’s face, he can tell that that was the wrong thing to say. “Your… are you with someone?”

“Do you think I’d be doing this if I was?”

“Please,” Harry begs, “Think of everything you’ve been through. Is this really how you want your story to end? Or do you want to make something of your life, prove everyone wrong?”

“Just leave me alone.”

“I can’t. I’m involved now.”

“It’s not like I’ll be around to tell anyone,” Draco scoffs, but Harry can see the fear in his eyes. “Just go, Harry.”

Hearing Draco say his first name, it breaks Harry’s heart, because this only shows just how little fight in him he has left. How close he is to taking that final step.

“I can’t let you do this,” Harry repeats, and he takes another step towards him, before putting a hand on his back. It makes Draco flinch, and for a moment his face hardens. But then it softens, and a tear rolls down his face. He doesn’t even try to fight it, too broken to even care about Harry seeing this side of him.

“Don’t do this, please,” Harry whispers. “You have too much to live for.”

“I don’t,” Draco whispers, his voice breaking. “I lost everything, Harry…”

Harry doesn’t care about the past anymore, about whatever Draco had said and done to him. Right now he cares about this lost and broken man standing in front of him. So he wraps his arms around him, and as he feels him breaking apart, he just holds him. Because this can’t be where their story ends.

Not after everything they have survived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://samunderthelights.tumblr.com/
> 
> This is the prompt I used for today:  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

Harry had tried his best to stop Draco from wanting to end his life, but Draco couldn’t be convinced that his life was still worth living. Harry refused to leave his side though, and with the other man watching, Draco was too embarrassed to do anything. So while he hadn’t changed his mind about wanting, or having to do this, in the end he _had_ followed Harry away from the bridge.

Even though Harry knew that there was a chance he hadn’t stopped anything, that he had simply made Draco’s suffering last longer, he still felt relieved to have Draco by his side. Alive. Breathing.

They’ve walked in silence for what feels like hours, although Harry knows that it can’t have been more than ten minutes since they had left the bridge. But this cold is starting to get to him, and the thought of what could have happened if he hadn’t stepped onto that bridge tonight, the thought of hearing the news about Draco’s death, knowing how close he had been to him, it sends the shivers right through him.

“What are you doing here in London?” Draco finally asks, cutting through the tense silence. “I didn’t know you lived here.”

“I don’t. I always come here on Christmas Eve,” Harry says. “I go for a walk… I watch people, families…”

“Shouldn’t you be with your friends? Or the Weasley’s or something?” Draco asks. “Why are you out here by yourself?”

Harry just shrugs, feeling too emotionally drained to explain himself. He can feel Draco staring at him, waiting for an answer, some kind of explanation, but he just can’t get himself to tell him just how miserable he had been feeling. How they probably have more in common than either one of them would have ever thought.

Harry has no idea where they are, or where they are going, but after they make their way through a small, dark alley, they step out onto a street that is lit with so many lights, that they stop in their tracks, for a moment too taken aback by the brightness to even move.

“It’s…”

“Beautiful,” Harry says, his eyes slowly adjusting to the brightness. But when he stares up at the angel, made of hundreds, if not thousands of tiny fairy lights, he can feel the tears welling up in his eyes. There is something so beautiful, so pure about the angel, that he can’t take his eyes off it. But while there is such beauty in it, there is also something about it that leaves him feeling even hollower, even lonelier than before. It reminds him of all the people he lost, who are somewhere out there, looking down at him. Or so he hopes.

“My parents are dead.”

“What?” Harry asks, whirling around to face the other man. “When did… I am so sorry. What happened?”

“I was told it was an accident.” Draco shrugs, but then he shakes his head. “But every time I went looking for answers, I found more things that didn’t make sense. I know someone killed them.”

“Who do you think did it?”

“Who knows?” Draco shrugs again, before looking back up at the lights. “Everyone hated them.”

Harry almost tells him that that’s not true, but he knows that the Malfoys had a lot of enemies after everything that had happened, and he wouldn’t be surprised if they _had_ been killed.

He feels awful for Draco though, because he knows how it feels to lose your parents, to have them taken away in such a violent and senseless manner.

“Is that why you…”

“What do you care?” Draco asks, before turning away and walking off.

Harry looks back up at the angel, and for a moment it feels as though he can hear his mother’s voice, telling him to go after Draco. Save him. Save yourself.

So he runs after him, but when he catches up with him, Draco turns around, a frustrated look on his face.

“Please, just let me do this.”

“I can’t.”

“You are making this a thousand times worse,” Draco admits. “You can’t stop me, Potter. So just… just don’t.”

He looks so tired, so defeated, that Harry almost considers letting him go. But he knows he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he did.

“Let’s make a deal,” he suggests. “Give me this night to change your mind. If you still want to do this in the morning…”

“What? You think you’re able to fix my life in a matter of hours? Why do you always think you can save everyone, huh?”

“Just until morning.”

“Fine. After that, you’ll leave me alone?” Draco asks, and Harry nods. “God, you’re annoying. You know that, Potter? Even this you manage to ruin for me.”

Harry can’t help but smile, finally seeing some of the old Draco again. Seeing some of that fighting spirit. It gives him hope that by the time the sun comes up, things will have changed.

For both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://samunderthelights.tumblr.com/
> 
> This is the prompt I used for today:  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

Harry had been hopeful when Draco had given him until morning to make him see the point in living again. But truth be told, he didn’t have a clue how to change Draco’s mind. He simply did not know enough about him, not anymore. And this cold, dark Christmas Eve, which normally felt hopeful, it somehow felt empty tonight.

So instead of trying to tell Draco how beautiful life was, how much love and hope there was in the world, he had kept quiet. Because his words would seem empty, they would seem like lies. He doubts he would have even believed them himself tonight.

“It’s bloody freezing,” Draco grumbles, trying to blow some warmth into his hands, but they have almost become numb by now, and Harry can tell that his mood is only getting worse the longer they keep walking.

So he leads him into one of his favourite coffeeshops, the cheery Christmas jingles still playing in the background, even though it’s the middle of the night.

“What can I get you?” Harry asks, but Draco shrugs, his cheeks flushing red. Harry can’t tell if it’s from embarrassment or from the warmth. “I’m buying.”

“I really don’t care, Potter.”

“Fine. Sit down.” Harry rolls his eyes. He orders them both a hot chocolate, but because it’s so late, there isn’t much left to eat. So he ends up getting them both a Santa-shaped cookie, and he can already hear Draco’s mocking comments in his head, even before he has reached their table.

“What the hell is that?” Draco asks, for a moment looking horrified, but then he starts laughing when Harry sets down his hot chocolate in front of him. The mug looks like it’s about to spill over with marshmallows, and it looks like something a five-year old would have ordered.

“You think _this_ is going to make me change my mind?” Draco laughs, shaking his head, before picking the mug up and warming his hands on it.

For a moment Harry just watches him, so surprised to see him laugh, to see a brightness in his eyes which he hasn’t seen since they were kids. But then it’s as though someone switches the light off again, because the smile leaves Draco’s face, and within a split-second, he looks years older.

“May I ask?” Harry asks, but the other man just shrugs, still staring down at the hot chocolate in his hands. “Why were you out there tonight? I mean, I know what you were doing, but… why? Because of what happened to your parents?”

“What does it matter to you? Why do you care if I live or not?”

“Because you’re…,” Harry begins, but he doesn’t quite know how to finish that sentence. ‘My friend’ isn’t exactly fitting. “You don’t deserve to die.”

Draco scoffs, but then he sighs again, before picking out a marshmallow and putting it into his mouth.

“Surely you have _something_ , or _someone_ …”

“I don’t,” Draco cuts him off. “Is that really a surprise to you?”

“I don’t want you to die,” Harry blurts out, not even sure why he is telling Draco this. Is _that_ supposed to stop him? When has Draco ever cared about what Harry wants?

“I know you feel like you have to do this, Potter. But don’t bother. This world, it’s…” Draco shakes his head, a faraway look in his eyes. “It’s not worth it.”

“Not worth what? Are you just going to give up when life gets tough?” Harry asks, the harsh words making the other man stare at him with open mouth. “People always said you were just a pathetic little boy, but…”

“Twist the knife, why don’t you?”

“You think you’re the only one who feels like this?” Harry asks. “Huh?”

“I…”

“Why the hell do you think I’m out here in the middle of the night, trying to find some kind of… something. I have to live with what we’ve been through, every single minute of the day, Draco. I am still there, every time I close my eyes,” Harry admits. “You think I haven’t thought about giving up?”

“At least you still have people who care about you.”

“You would too, if you started letting people into your life,” Harry says. “There is good out there. You just have to look for it.”

“Have you found it yet?”

“I’m still here, aren’t I?” Harry asks, but Draco just stares back into his mug, thinking about his words. “Don’t do it. Please.”

When Draco doesn’t answer, Harry reaches out to put a hand on his. He half-expects Draco to get up and run off at his touch, but that’s not what happens. Draco actually starts to sniffle, and it’s obvious that tonight’s emotions are starting to get to him. That he’s thinking about what he had almost done, perhaps still wishes he would have done.

“I still hear the screaming,” he whispers, his voice sounding small and fragile. “How am I supposed to believe there’s good out there, after what we saw? After what we had to do?”

“I don’t know,” Harry admits, his hand still on Draco’s. “But I do know that we can’t let him win. He already took enough lives. Don’t let him take yours too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://samunderthelights.tumblr.com/
> 
> This is the prompt I used for today:  
> 


	4. Chapter 4

The two men had spent hours at the coffeeshop, just drinking their hot chocolate in silence, eating their cookies. Staring out of the window as the sun had slowly started to come up. During the night things had seemed so cold, so quiet, but as the hours went by, a layer of snow had formed on the London streets. And every time someone would come out of their house, you could see the sheer joy on their face. The pure, child-like glee as they heard their footsteps on the fresh layer of snow.

Harry hadn’t been able to stop smiling, because this is what he had come to London for every year. To see the happiness, to see the smiles on people’s faces.

But Draco hadn’t seemed to notice much of the beauty outside. He had been lost in own thoughts, and not much seemed to get through to him anymore. So in the end Harry had stopped trying to talk to him, and he had simply sat there with him, hoping it would be enough.

“We should probably go,” Draco finally says, after they have finished their coffee and toast. “It’s Christmas, and I’m sure you have plans.”

“I do,” Harry says. “But I’m not leaving until I know you’re alright.”

Draco opens his mouth to speak, but then he just shrugs, staring down into the empty mug on the table.

“Look, Harry… this has been nice,” he finally admits. “I didn’t think I would ever… you know, enjoy spending time with you. But it’s been nice.”

“But?”

“This… this changes nothing. My life is still the same. When we leave this place, you go back to your life, your friends… I go back to nothing.”

Harry knows exactly how he feels, but how can he tell him that? How can he tell him that he knows the loneliness, the hole that the war left inside of them that can never be filled. That leaves them feeling cold, constantly. That makes them wake up at night, thinking they are still fighting for their lives?

“There is always something worth living for,” he tells him instead, but Draco just rolls his eyes at him. “Look at them, Draco,” Harry says, pointing out the window, at a group of kids throwing snowballs at each other, laughing and grinning like they don’t have a care in the world. “How can you not…”

“I don’t care about them,” Draco spits out, but then he sighs. “It just makes it worse, doesn’t it? Seeing how happy other people are?”

“Doesn’t it give you hope that that could be you one day?”

“Yeah, right,” Draco scoffs. “That kind of happiness isn’t meant for people like you and me, Potter.”

Harry swallows hard, and it seems to make Draco realise just how harsh it words were. Because he looks back at the kids, and he flashes a small, broken-hearted smile.

“I hope you find it one day, Harry. But I’m not…” He sighs, looking for the right words. “I’m sick and tired of waiting for _something_ , or _someone_ …”

“You can’t give up,” Harry interrupts him, all of the sudden truly feeling like time has run out. Like Draco is about to slip out of his hands, walk out of here and do what he was ready to do last night. “I won’t let you.”

“We made a deal.”

“I don’t care.”

“Why won’t you let me do this?” Draco asks, “You hate me. So what does it matter to you what I do? Just go, be with your friends, celebrate Christmas.”

“Come with me,” Harry blurts out.

“Where?”

“The Weasley’s. They’re having a big Christmas dinner.”

“I’m sure they’d love to have me,” Draco scoffs, already getting up and putting his coat on. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I have to go now.”

“Then at least let me walk with you,” Harry tries, not ready to give up on him yet.

He follows Draco out of the coffeeshop, and he follows him in silence, the kids’ laughter not even getting through to him. All he can hear is Draco’s footsteps, and in his mind he is counting them, thinking about them, wondering how many steps there will be before it’s his last. How many more steps, how many more minutes?

Harry can feel a panic building up inside of him, because it cannot be that he can’t save Draco. There has to be something he can say or do. This can’t be the end.

He is about to say something, make a move, anything to try and stop Draco. But before he can say something, they turn the corner and they step into the park.

It looks like a winter wonderland, the grass now covered in a blanket of snow. But that’s not what makes them stop and stare. It’s the beautiful ice sculptures, which hadn’t been there when they had passed the park last night. Surely they would have noticed them.

“Do you think they’re…”

“Magic.” Draco nods.

They make their way over to the dozens of sculptures, one of them looking exactly like Hogwarts, another a dragon that looks so life-like, that Harry can’t help but touch it.

“Did you do this?” Draco asks, turning to face the other man. But Harry shakes his head, speechless at the overwhelming beauty surrounding him. “Then who…”

Before Draco can finish his sentence, a dozen voices can be heard. People are making their way into the park, only now seeing the ice sculptures. They are all talking excitedly, and Harry can’t help but wonder who is behind all of this.

But then he notices a young girl standing by a tree, not too far away, and she has the biggest smile on her face. Harry almost wants to go over to her, but just as he’s about to, snow begins to fall all around them, the people around him laughing and squealing, unable to keep the smiles off their faces.

“Do you want to go?” Harry asks, still remembering how Draco had told him that it made the hurting worse when he was in the presence of people who were happy. But Draco shakes his head, and a small smile forms on his lips.

“Magic did this.”

“Yes.” Harry nods, about to point out the girl by the tree, but she’s gone now. “It can do good too.”

“Do you really believe that could be us?” Draco asks, staring out at the families, laughing and playing in the snow. But then he looks back at Harry, and Harry can see that this is not a throwaway question. He means it. He needs to know.

“I have to believe it.” Harry nods. “So do you. We deserve that too, Draco. I know you don’t believe it, and I’m still struggling to get there myself, but…” He shrugs his shoulders. “We have to keep looking for it. We can’t let him win.”

Harry can tell from the look in Draco’s eyes that something inside of him has changed. That Harry’s words, that his refusal to give up, that him caring, it has finally gotten to him. That he has found new hope for the future.

“Will you go to the Weasley’s with me tonight?”

“Are you sure they won’t mind?”

“I know they won’t,” Harry says, before flashing a reassuring smile. He gingerly reaches out for Draco’s hand, still half-expecting Draco to mock him for making a move. But Draco carefully grabs hold of his hand, his cheeks flushing pink. This time not from the cold, or from embarrassment. Harry knows that he is feeling that warmth growing in the pit of his stomach too, as they make their way through the fresh snow.

On to a new day. On to a new tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://samunderthelights.tumblr.com/
> 
> This is the prompt I used for today:  
> 


End file.
